I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
