Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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