so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
