I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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