Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
