Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
