Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is Oprah even human
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
