apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
