Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
