Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
