You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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