i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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