If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
