i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
