one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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