I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
