So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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