Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
