Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
