Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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