mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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