"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
