You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
