No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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