she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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