what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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