His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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