in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
