Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
