I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
