her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
