You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
