Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
