I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
