Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
