cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
