Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
