My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
