i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
