Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
