I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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