Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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