I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
