He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
