If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
