Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
