So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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