god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
