it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
