U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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